The information provided below is an excerpt from the book, "Creative Expressions of Violence: Through the Eyes of Youth," a project of the Childrens and Teens Issues Committee. Please click here if you would like information on receiving a free copy of "Creative Expressions of Violence:Through the Eyes of Youth."

 

The Problem

 

Children of battered women show their distress in a range of physical and emotional problems.  Children from violent homes get sick more often and have more health problems than children from non-violent homes.  Some of the physical problems include headaches, ulcers, bedwetting, and abdominal complaints.  If the children themselves are abused, their health problems are even greater. 

Psychological and emotional problems are more frequent in children of battered women.  They may exhibit depression, anxiety, fear, eating and sleep disorders, or feelings of guilt.  Boys are likely to be more aggressive and show more behavioral problems than both girls of battered mothers and children from non-violent homes.  Preschoolers particularly show below-average self-concept and less empathy for others.

Children, particularly boys, of battered women are at a great risk of repeating the patterns they saw as children when they become adults.  While battered women are only slightly more likely than non-battered women to come from homes where they or their mothers were abused, batterers are six times more likely to have seen their fathers beating their mothers than non-batterers.  Our culture already encourages boys to act aggressively, to show and take power physically, to see girls as weak and easy prey; the culture encourages girls to act submissively and to accept the domination of a male as the norm.  These values reinforce boys’ early experience of a violent home, increasing the likelihood that they will become batterers.  Societal values encourage girls to accept how their male partners treat them and to expect that males will use physical means to maintain control of their surroundings and the people in them. 

Our responses to domestic violence as service provider, teachers, community members, friends and family must be geared to protect these children from physical abuse by helping them to recognize that they are not responsible for the violence in their homes, and helping them to find ways to grow past their trauma into healthy adults.  We must also help them avoid the vicious trap of learned patterns by teaching and modeling non-violent methods of conflict resolution and by helping them express their feelings in healthy, respectful ways.  

Social service and child care agencies should be watchful for signs of family violence and be able to provide services or referrals to aid a battered mother as well as her children.

Schools can provide training in non-violent conflict resolution and positive emotion-handling skills can be incorporated into curricula at every grade.  Information about domestic violence as a violent crime can be included in social studies courses.  Health classes can identify domestic violence as a public health problem, as the U.S. Surgeon General has already done.  Teachers can watch for the psychological signs of abuse in children in addition to the physical bruises: excessive passivity in girls, aggressiveness in boys, drug abuse, frequent illness, anxiety, inability to concentrate.

As a parent, we can choose not to use corporal punishment on our own children, which teaches the use of physical force as a means of maintaining control.

Agencies working to end family violence should be supported in their efforts to develop services that work with children of battered women as primary clients.  Children’s need for emotional support and psychological attention should be recognized.

Family and friends can intervene when we see or suspect family violence.  We can refuse to accept the deadly myth that what happens behind closed doors isn’t our business.  We must recognize that our silence helps reinforce the shame that battered women and their children feel and that encourages a new generation of batterers.

For all of us, only by acknowledging the often silent pain of the children in a battered woman’s life and by reaching out to victims of domestic violence, can we achieve success in our efforts to reach the goal of a peaceful family life for all women and children.

- Adapted from Woman Abuse is Child Abuse, Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence